Okay family.....
So you know I posted a blog about a month ago about rumors floating around about a J5 reunion....well apparently...according to Michael (who just tore Jermaine a new one for putting it out there that he'd be participating)....it ain't gonna happen....at least not with him!
Then I got this email from a friend explaining exactly WHY this reunion should not happen and I thought it hilarious enough to reprint here:
Enjoy Fam....
Greetings patrollers, Please forgive me if I come off like the voice of doom, but as reported here in Soul Patrol there are rumours of a J5 reunion in my opinion the time for a J5 reunion has come and gone. We tried this already - does anybody remember?
They reunited at the Garden Monday night SEPTEMBER TENTH, TWO THOUSAND AND ONE - the next morning the world blew up. Not that there's any connection between their Garden appearance that night and the events of 9/11 the following morning but there are a few things I do remember from that night. Michael lipsynched all night long except for one song - "DANCING MACHINE" - and why he chose to give that song a go is beyond me because he was out of breath and out of tune. Something that was made all the more obvious when the members of N'Sync joined them onstage and lead singer J.C.Chavez (I think that's his name) blew Michael out of the water without even trying - just by being in key and on point.
Hey! Wasn't this the concert where Whitney Houston showed up looking like Skeletor (with her new breast implants) in a mini dress performing "Wanna Be Starting Something"?
So Michael can no longer sing well enough or long enough to sustain an entire concert - a major concern right there, because unlike the Temptations where on any given night anyone of them can probably lead the tunes - such has never been the case with the J5. Jermaine could definitely sing but his voice was never suited for the tunes Michael sang lead on which leaves us with Jackie, Randy, Marlon, and Tito....I rest my case.
Then there's the fact that the brothers no longer look right together. Jermaine has not aged well, Randy has gained a considerable amount of weight, and then there's Michael's considerable facial issues...once again I rest my case.
Michael, Marlon, and Jackie used to have the most exciting and blazing choreography. Sandwiched in between Jermaine and Tito - they spun, bopped, glided, stepped and generally did their thing with the greatest of ease this side of David, Eddie, Paul, Otis, and Melvin. They are all much older now and seven years ago the choreography was as slow as erosion - so it's hard to believe that it's gotten any better in the ensuing years.
In his last video the "ROCK MY WORLD" debacle, Michael's once lightning spins were practically done in half time - I was able to make a sandwich by the time he completed one. Of course I'm joking here but the fact of the matter is that it's not going to look right nor will it sound right and correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't Jermaine threaten this every couple of years? He's been promising a J5 reunion for awhile now. I even remember Tito saying that "the world is waiting for it".
Newsflash Tito....no they're not.
You may very well be met with an indifferent audience. Those of us who know and love and care as well as remember will check it out due to the curiosity factor - just like we slow down for car wrecks and street fights, but for the most part, today's hip hop oriented society is not really going to care one whit. Tito - whenever you, Randy, Marlon, Jermaine, or Jackie are mentioned in the press you're always referred to as "Michael Jackson's brother" - you've done nothing of note on your own. And it's not for a lack of trying. I attended the Tito blues shows, I purchased the solo Marlon, Jackie, and Randy and the Gypsies LP's. I even brought the closest thing y'all had to a hit record, the Teddy Riley produced "2300 Jackson Street" project.
All to no avail - nothing caught fire. I remember in the midst of Michael's boy scandal (the first one) you guys got some network time for something called the "JACKSON FAMILY HONORS" - a show that had no direction and no purpose. Janet blew it off and didn't even attend - Michael showed up and barely posed for pictures with y'all much less sing with you. Marlon in a moment of candor was asked by a reporter how the rehearsals were going and his response would have you believe he was asked how the paint job on his apartment was going, Marlon said and I quote, ".......ahhhh it's alright I guess....".
And now in 2009, I'm supposed to believe that a J5 reunion is the hot ticket/must see show of the year and I should be excited??!!
I've got one word for you: SLYANDTHEFAMILYSTONE
That was the most anticipated reunion there ever could have been and it was as anticlimactic as leaving Beyonce's bedroom for Macy Gray's. My feelings about the whole return of Sly Stone and the way it went down has been well documented in these pages. Those feelings came at a personal sacrifice and my feelings about it haven't changed. In fact if I had to say it all over again I would. The fact of the matter is that some of these groups have waited entirely too long to get back together and it's just not going to go as well as I think they'd like or as WE the fans who were with them in the salad days would like.
Hey Lionel Richie! NOW you wanna get the Commodores back together again??!! Gimme a break. No one remembers or cares - YOU saw to that. Due to such pop pap as "Three Times A Lady"/ "Truly"/"Hello" (all great songs and tunes I wish I'd written but nonetheless I NEVER play them unless it's a death bed request) due to your prodigious output in the 80's, folks have forgotten all about "Fancy Dancer" - "Come Inside" - "Machine Gun" - the REAL Commodores s**t from back in the day. No Lionel, leave Clyde and William King (the only two remaining members) to play out their days in Atlantic City and Vegas. Don't subject them to half filled concert halls and poor ticket sales, etc.
One word: DIANAROSSANDTHESUPREMES
Remember that ill fated reunion where Diana tried to pull the wool over everyone's eyes and go out on the road with two "Supremes" that she's never toured OR recorded with before? She couldn't have done any worse than if she'd put me and Bob Davis in skirts, wigs, and mascara (now there's a nauseating image!). Don't do it Lionel.
Which brings me to Labelle. I'm in China right now so I don't really know what the word on the street is concerning the Labelle reunion or the record - I think it's safe to say that it's probably not as big as it would have been a few years back - even if they had come out behind Lil' Kim/Christina Aguilera/ Mya's remake of "Lady Marmalade".
(Mya and Lil' Kim - now there's a real murderers row of blazing talent and vocal dexterity!)
So Jermaine, Randy, Marlon, Jackie, Tito - don't do it. Leave us with whatever images and memories we have from the VICTORY tour - you remember? That was the last time y'all pulled it together and it worked. This is all just my humble long winded opinion.
Peace and blessings y'all!
Carlton J. Smith
“As far as I'm concerned, there won't be a Beatles reunion as long as John Lennon remains dead."
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