Today I am in Spokane, Washington. I picked up a gig with Just My Size's Bra fitting Tour (or something like that)...anyway my home girl T-Boogie got me the job when she couldn't get the time off her regular job. I am supposed to be going to different Wal-Mart stores to help fit and measure women for the correct bra size. Anyway, they have us staying at a Hilton Garden Inn, which is actually pretty nice. I have never been to the state of Washington...so it's kinda cool for me. Well once we check in and I ask about the provisions and amenities of the hotel...I realize that they have a fitness center, a pool and Oh my LORD!!!! A Jacuzzi!!!! I LOVE JACUZZI'S!!! I joined NY Health & Racquet Club around the corner from my former job JUST SO I COULD SIT IN THE JACUZZI EVERY DAY AT LUNCH TIME!!!! Anyway, I am absolutely amped about getting in and go up to my room to unpack when I realize (GASP!) I forgot to pack my bathing suit and when I inquire at the front desk...they show me the two EXTREMELY MATRONLY LOOKING bathing suits they have AND they want $45 damn dollars for them. This SHOULD have ended my jacuzzi dreams but of course it did not.
So I look through my bag and decide that if I have to get in that jacuzzi butt ass nekkid...I'M GETTING IN. I then go downstairs to see if it's crowded and to my surprise...it's completely deserted. Cool...I say to myself and rush upstairs to change. I come back down in like 5 minutes wearing........(Drum roll please)
My Black Lace Bra and a high waist body shaper that I got from Lane Bryant...I kid you not.
I figure it's cool because the place is empty and it's like 8pm. No one was even walking in the section of the hotel where the pool is. I read every rule on the giant rules & regulations list posted in the pool area. Of course there is nothing on it about bathing suits being mandatory...so I am home free. I turn on the jets and get in and of course it's absolutely lovely. So lovely that I lay back, close my eyes and lose myself in the warmtth of the water jets. I am so relaxed that I take off my glasses and when I open my eyes again...THERE'S THIS FAMILY OF FIVE PEOPLE COMPLETE WITH CHILDREN STANDING THERE LOOKING AT ME!!!!!! I am totally horrified. However, not horrified enough to get my butt out of that water. Anyway, I take another look and realize that they are all fat too and wearing t-shirts and shorts so I don't feel too bad. Of course the timer on the jacuzzi is preset for 15 minutes a clip so I had to keep getting out of the water to turn it back on. I just KNOW they saw this ridiculous ass get up I was wearing but to their credit and my relief they didn't say a word nor did they stare at me like I was crazy.
We are at this hotel until Sunday and then we fly to Omaha, Nebraska for another couple of days.
You can believe I will be buying a bathing suit at Wal-Mart tomorrow.
By the way, I have never been to Nebraska either, and the store we are working out of is in Sioux City, South Dakota....yet another state I have never been in before. I think I'm gonna try to visit every state in the union before I die. And no, waiting in the Denver, Colorado airport for a 3 hour layover does NOT Count as a visit to the state of Colorado.