My mom called me today and asked me to take a trip with her to Albany to visit my baby brother....my intial reaction was to just say no, but my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her why she was going. The last time we saw my brother was a few years ago when we commandeered my cousin's car and drove 4 hours to bail him out of jail....we bailed him out, he exited the prison, stayed with us about five minutes before he hopped on a bus and disappeared to God only knows where. Well, that was pretty much it for me....As much as I love my brother (and I DO love my brother), ya'll know in my mind that was the last trip I was EVER taking to friggin' Albany!!!
I have not always felt this way about my brother but after you get burned repeatedly....you learn not to go near the stove...feel me?
My brother and I have never really been close and sometimes that bothers me because I actually saved his life as an infant (you'd think THAT alone would make us closer..Not!)but I have always thought in my heart that he was destined for greatness....but he seems to have been perpetually er...sidetracked by life...ya know?
My brother reminds me a lot of myself in many ways, The Creator bestowed us with similar gifts when we arrived here...In many ways, I always thought my brother has always had more charisma and could be way more charming than I am...you simply can't NOT like him. He is a very intelligent man but unfortuntely he was lazy as well and just didn't apply himself to anything. He has a quick wit and could always find the humor in any situation, and it didn't hurt that he was an extremely handsome brother to boot. (my friend's would always ask me for an introduction and I would refuse...I would tell them..."alright now, you can sleep with him if you like...but you'd better not let him spend the night...you'll wake up and all of your shit will be gone!" For REAL....DON'T call me, cuz I warned ya! lol
Now, I firmly believe that each and every single person on this planet comes here bestowed with a gift...many of us get more than one "Gift" but EVERYBODY GETS ONE!! It is then up to YOU to find out what your "gift" is and use it to fulfill your purpose for being here. And the kicker is this....you don't get to "leave" here until you have fulfilled your purpose. I know that may sound crazy to a lot of you...but it makes perfect sense to me AND it explains a LOT of incidents in my brother's life....
When he was a few months old, he was crawling around on the floor and managed to put an extension cord (the part where the cords plug in) in his mouth and was nearly electrocuted. I just happened to be sitting down reading a book and out of the corner of my eye saw his little body flailing around on the floor with sparks shooting out of his mouth...without thinking I reached down and yanked the plug out of his mouth and in complete shock rushed him to my mother who took him to the ER. The doctors told her had I not been sitting there and did what I did...he most certainly would have died. This was the first of many incidents with my brother and my mom and I firmly believe that those electrical charges that shot through his little body....short circuited something in his brain....I swear to you my brother had the highest tolerance for pain I have ever seen......like:
The time he fell and cut his arm open in a hole filled with broken glass (My mother had to be removed from the ER)...while he sat there very calmly watching them sew up his arm....OR
The time he accidentally set him self on fire got some serious burns on half his body but quietly just put on his clothes and went about his day like nothing happened. (the only reason my mom found out was that she was playing around with him and walked in on him changing....and saw the burns for herself and rushed him to the hospital!) OR
The time he got hit by a doctor's car on 161st Street, was thrown up in the air on impact, landed on the windshield...head first, cracked it (the windshield) and got up and walked away like NOTHING HAPPENED!!!!
After each incident, I would tell my mom..."he's here for a reason mama, he hasn't found his purpose and he can take drugs for the next 20 years...but he ain't going no where until he fulfills his destiny" and I HONESTLY believe that ya'll...I really do.
In the meantime, he managed to get married and produce a son...people shouldn't have children when they are on drugs....who I wound up trying to raise after his mother died almost a year after she had him. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life and it showed me that motherhood is not to be taking lightly....every teenager who is thinking that they are ready for motherhood....should get a "trial run" like the one that I got....I guarantee they would take those rose colored glasses off quickly. No matter though, that child changed my life and he will be the apple of his auntie's eyes always! He then he went off a few years later and produced another son....
To make a long story short....the reason for my mother's journey this time is that it appears that my brother has found his way out of his drug induced "fog" after nearly 20 years as an addict....unfortunately, with sobriety comes reality and reality has hit him over the head REAL HARD...no education, no real job prospects (burned all his bridges a long time ago) and no way of supporting his family....that sort of reality is enough to drive you BACK into the fog.
So my baby brother...who I will fondly refer to as "Boogie" his childhood nickname....which I KNOW he hates! lol... has decided to return to active duty in the armed forces (my first thought was....are they really desperate for personnel that they would take this old ass negro????? hell, Boogie is 38 years old now!!!) but it seems that he has been in the Reserves the whole time and he can go back in. My mom wants to see him and with his father's advancing alzheimer's...he would like to see him too.
Now if I were to get this news about anyone else....it would make me EXTREMELY nervous....I mean...who in the hell enlists during WAR TIME!!!???? But for my brother....this might actually be the bravest thing he has ever done and words cannot describe how much I am praying for him to stay the course and fulfill his destiny....whatever that may be. I want to be proud of him and on some levels I am...but I find myself still holding my breath.....waiting...you know?
I recently sent him a DVD of Mo'Nique's F.A.T. Chance from last season and he told my mom that he's really proud of me.....I want to be proud of him too and for some reason....I feel like this go round....I will be.
I love you my brother....Be careful and know that we are all praying for your safe return.